I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
We just shotgunned beers for America
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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