come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i think i have two assholes
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i dont even know how to be here
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
