Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
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He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
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Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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