Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
