What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
