Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
it was like eating out sand paper
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
