pop tarts are not kleenex
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
