I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I fill condoms, not promises.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
