All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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