Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
