Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
