I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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