I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
