ya dads aren't the best wingmen
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
