so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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