im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
