Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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