I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
