either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
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