I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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