I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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