I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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