I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
it's like heaven, but drunker
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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