I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
