You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
