When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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