I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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