She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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