Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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