I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
