Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
