I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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