It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
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its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize