You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
