This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
