I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
worst night to have a conscience
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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