oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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