I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
