those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
