shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
