just come out here and I will go home with you...
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
