I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
operation have a gay friend backfired
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
