Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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