you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
