Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
