my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
