Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
