How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
