How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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