going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
