I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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