my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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