I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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