i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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