I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
