im holly from the hills drunk
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
