I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
