Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
