a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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