you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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