How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Randomize
