You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
