I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
