you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
