My first STD was from a foam party
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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