I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Fuck me I smell like cheese
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
