All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
