i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
