My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
