Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
