apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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