I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
