No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
