He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
