dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
