Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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