So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
