it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
